Car Buying and Choosing a Bride

Premarital sex and car buying go hand-in-hand or so most men in America seem to believe. In fact, premarital sex is often seen by men as the same thing as test driving a car. They ask, “You wouldn’t buy a car without test driving it would you? Therefore, if you wouldn’t buy a car without test driving it, why would you get married without ‘test driving’ your bride-to-be?” Just so there is no confusion, test driving your bride-to-be would be having premarital sex with her. 

First off, I would like to say that it annoys me immensely that our men are comparing women (the most beautiful beings on this planet, who have minds, hearts, souls, feelings, etc.) to cars (an inanimate object that can’t move unless you tell it to, that can’t even make noise unless you allow it, and ultimately, a few years down the road you will trade it in for a new and improved version). This should be scary in and of itself. I know that people are already aware that, as a culture, we tend to look at women as more of sex objects then actual people. I mean, just look at our movies. Unfortunately, if you try to talk some sense into the men that have the idea of “test driving” their possible bride to be, they will just fall back on this idea that they would never buy a car without test driving it. So, I am going to explain how I went about getting engaged and married by using the same idea that they have. At this point you might be thinking, “But Logan, didn’t you just say that that annoys you immensely?” You are right; however, I can explain. But first let me set up the scenario. In this car buying scenario, I am going to put a restriction on the “car” that can be purchased. It can’t be a new car. In other words, your potential wife is going to come into the relationship with problems and flaws. Plus, what happens the second you take a perfectly good new car off the lot?  It loses 20% of its value right there (i.e., if she seems perfect, it isn’t going to last). Ladies, this is no different for men. You won’t find a perfect man.

In my pre-marriage relationship with my wife, I did “test drive” her. It is called dating. We did not have premarital sex, nor was it necessary. Dating is the way that a couple goes about deciding whether they would like to be together for life. Marriage is about so much more than just sex. We should be getting to know the person (how they think, how they feel about different things, how they react to different situations, etc.), instead of just worrying about whether we will like the sex. So, I am fully on board with the idea of “test driving” your potential spouse in this context. The purpose for test driving a car is to make sure that there aren’t any major issues. If there are issues while you are test driving it, then unless you can get them fixed prior to choosing to buy the vehicle, then it would be best for you to walk away from that particular car. In the same way, if you start dating someone, and you are immediately hitting major problems, then it would probably be best not to get married to that person, unless you are able to work through those problems. 

Now that you have “test driven” your potential mate, you must weigh the pros and cons before committing to the deal. If you say yes, then you will be accepting the issues/scars that she will be bringing with her, as well as the potential for new issues/new wounds (I am talking about both wounds to the body and wounds to the heart). For example, in a car you might have to accept that the leather on the seats has cuts in it, or there is a dent in the hood. These aren’t typically things that would dissuade most car buyers. After all, these are typically cosmetic issues only. Additionally, it can be expected that throughout the years the car is going to acquire more damage. As far as a potential wife goes, you would want to say no for things like the fact that she isn’t a Christian and you are. This is akin to finding something majorly wrong with the engine of the car, and that is going to cause significant problems in the near future. Or you might find that she likes pineapple on her pizza. Pineapple on pizza? That is a no go if I’ve ever seen one. I’m joking! Well, sort of. Pineapple on pizza is disgusting, but I did marry someone who likes it, so I guess it isn’t actually that big of a deal.

While dating is an effective method for “test driving” another person, people will still argue that you must have sex to really know the person. That is true to some extent, but you don’t need to have sex to know that you want to spend the rest of your life with that person. It really boils down to this: if you are in the relationship for self-gratification then you absolutely must have sex with her before marriage because you are too self-centered to think about anyone but yourself. If, on the other hand, you put her above yourself the night of your marriage and make it your goal to make her happy and not yourself, then I guarantee that she will respond in kind, and the sex will be amazing for the both of you. Sex is fantastic, there is no getting around that point. But a marriage is way better if you love the person enough to want to live with them forever even if it would mean no sex. Sex shouldn’t be the criteria for marriage.  It is a benefit of marriage, to be shared with your spouse only.

One of the major problems is that it is commonplace for people to have sex prior to marriage. I don’t mean between the two people who got married. Rather, both people tend to have had sex with other people. If you know my testimony, then you will know that I was one such person. That meant that I came into the marriage having experienced things that my wife, who was a virgin when we married, had hardly heard of. Without getting into any details, this means that there are things that I know I like because I have tried them. These are often things that she isn’t willing to do which I totally understand. Additionally, there are things that I liked, but don’t want to do again simply because they are wrong. Since I have no desire to force her to do something that she doesn’t want to do, I must deprive myself of things that I know I like. But here’s the thing, had I never known that I liked those things, I wouldn’t be in this position. Ignorance is indeed bliss in some cases.

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